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2nd poem: Ex umbra in solem


qth

Fuzz Pawldrin
Member for 5 years
It has been a year since my last submission. You can read the first one here: I've tried to make poems
This work was 'inspired' by NF's song "Time".
I'm sharing this to see if there is an improvement in my work, style, quality, etc.
So with that, feel free to react or leave your thoughts in the comments after reading.

Well then, I present to you:

Ex umbra in solem
Latin: from the shadow into the light

I’m a difficult person that drives one up the wall.
I don’t know if you knew that, so I’d tell you all:
Simply said, everything about me is a mess.
I’m a wrecking ball of stress,
Relationships I tend to reject, as I
Prefer to shut myself up than connect.
I talk with a dagger as my tongue and
A temper that explodes with a hurtful bang,
While building walls too tall for anyone to climb
And raking up issues piled high over time.
That’s just me and my twisted defense, and yet
How are you loving me with no pretense?

By my side, you forgave the errors of my way;
Even when you were in pain, you stayed.
I doubt if I’m even worthy of your patience, so
When I asked you to forget my existence and
To live your own life, you should’ve gone.
You’re future isn’t with me, we’re done.
Yet, you never listened.
Instead, you lulled me with an “It’s alright”
And stuck closer to my being very tight.
How are you not disheartened?

Now, I fear that maybe one day you’ll do—
What I said before is better for us two.
I don’t know why you’re doing this,
But if this is a chance then I vow to never miss.
So I ask of you, if possible, to give me time.
I’ll change myself until I’m worthy to call you mine.
From the shadows, I’ll stride into the light
And do my best to fill your every day with delight.
 

MxllxLea

Addicted Lv3️⃣
Member for 5 years
(I'll try to tell you what I think in a correct English about your poem)
So I checked your "Aftertaste" poem, and then I saw you saying : "I'm still new with poetry as my knack for it only showed up in college".
Let me tell you that for someone "still new" your poems are very good. But my favorite is this one. I can feel different emotions building little by little, denial, confusion, fear, hope and then we have the acceptance. It describes perfectly the title "from the shadow into the light".
 
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qth

Fuzz Pawldrin
Member for 5 years
Thank you for the review. Honestly, it took me a while to form these thoughts into something cohesive. So I really appreciate you for noticing that.

I also agree that I prefer this over my first poem. I'd like to think that I did improve over the year and that I'm now able to write and express feelings better than before.
 
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