Figured I would share something I wrote about 6 or 7 years ago. This was back in my early 20's when I was still soul searching, dealing with many issues. Self loathing, disconnection with the world, emptiness, and a bad case of insomnia. This was originally written as a structured rap song, back when I worked on that as an outlet. Never went anywhere and never was recorded, but nonetheless I'll share it with you today. Thanks for reading.
Awake/Insomnia
(Hook)
I cannot sleep at night, all I do is think
Awake until sunlight, I can barely blink
Deep inside my own thoughts I take another drink
Insomnia, Insomnia, Insomnia (Repeat 2x)
(Verse 1)
I sit inside this dull lit room with my eyes focused on the next move.
I gotta do what I gotta do to stay moving, been keeping up pace but the race I'm losing.
Choosing the path of the ones less traveled where the dust flies high and the trail is gravel.
Seems desolate to some but to me it feels full. Conversing with myself because I need to feel equal.
Not too many that follow the same tangent. Been going out on a limb for a few years damaged.
Just to find myself in the same circle I have been. First time it was beautiful but now its no pageant.
I can't stand it. Walking on broken steps with a stumble I give up chase through the bottlenecks.
I suggest if you visit that you make it quick. There is never enough time in this world to exist.
I wish it were more simplistic, predicted. Doing my best to break the cycle for a minute.
Once again I will end up back at the finish line with a gunshot, start all over on the same grind.
Another day, another dollar as some would say. Stick with it, good things are on the way.
But when you've seen both sides of the same circuit it takes a toll on you, makes you feel worthless.
Lead foot on the gas, riding tires that are flat, with a faulty odometer built into my dash.
If I ever make progress, would I even know it? Am I thinking too much? Am I losing my focus?
I noticed the clock was half past six. The sun's coming up, blinding me with decision.
Time to catch some Z's before this all repeats. The only time I'm at peace is when I'm finally asleep.
(Hook)
I cannot sleep at night, all I do is think
Awake until sunlight, I can barely blink
Deep inside my own thoughts I take another drink
Insomnia, Insomnia, Insomnia (Repeat 2x)
(Verse 2)
Stuck in my mental prison with shackles. Chained to the seat in the dungeon of the castle.
Stripped of the leaves that shade this lyndon tree. Sick with an illness that holds one remedy.
The cure is be pure, to be pure is deceased. Shrouded in darkness, no sound or heartbeat.
So until I hit death, I will feel unrest. The passion is great but i'm still contempt.
Hiding behind an ember'd square with a handful of problems I just can't bare.
I could give a F@#% less. Like I actually care. Looking back in the mirror, F@#% you and your stare.
I should make my escape with some 80 proof. Fill my head until it's swimming and get it to subdue.
Then at last I'll be able to relax for a bit and shell myself from the reality that everything is S@#%.
In a new type of universe. Utopian bliss. If insanity's a curse, then denial is a gift.
Waste deep in a ditch, hopes in a drought. Sift sand through the hourglass just trying to climb out.
Only the strong shall survive. The times haven't changed, I'm just losing my mind.
Utter chaos in the kingdom. Fortify the structures in a last ditch effort to prevent a rupture.
What's left is a man looking down the same road in an endless loop through the depths of his soul.
My brain's running rampant, it's out of control. The answers are written but the text isn't bold.
It's cold, like February nights, growing old. Tired, exhausted, frozen as stone.
There's a reason why I hate being alone. My head's the one place that I will never call home.
(Hook)
I cannot sleep at night, all I do is think
Awake until sunlight, I can barely blink
Deep inside my own thoughts I take another drink
Insomnia, Insomnia, Insomnia...
-Siege aka Case Y
Awake/Insomnia
(Hook)
I cannot sleep at night, all I do is think
Awake until sunlight, I can barely blink
Deep inside my own thoughts I take another drink
Insomnia, Insomnia, Insomnia (Repeat 2x)
(Verse 1)
I sit inside this dull lit room with my eyes focused on the next move.
I gotta do what I gotta do to stay moving, been keeping up pace but the race I'm losing.
Choosing the path of the ones less traveled where the dust flies high and the trail is gravel.
Seems desolate to some but to me it feels full. Conversing with myself because I need to feel equal.
Not too many that follow the same tangent. Been going out on a limb for a few years damaged.
Just to find myself in the same circle I have been. First time it was beautiful but now its no pageant.
I can't stand it. Walking on broken steps with a stumble I give up chase through the bottlenecks.
I suggest if you visit that you make it quick. There is never enough time in this world to exist.
I wish it were more simplistic, predicted. Doing my best to break the cycle for a minute.
Once again I will end up back at the finish line with a gunshot, start all over on the same grind.
Another day, another dollar as some would say. Stick with it, good things are on the way.
But when you've seen both sides of the same circuit it takes a toll on you, makes you feel worthless.
Lead foot on the gas, riding tires that are flat, with a faulty odometer built into my dash.
If I ever make progress, would I even know it? Am I thinking too much? Am I losing my focus?
I noticed the clock was half past six. The sun's coming up, blinding me with decision.
Time to catch some Z's before this all repeats. The only time I'm at peace is when I'm finally asleep.
(Hook)
I cannot sleep at night, all I do is think
Awake until sunlight, I can barely blink
Deep inside my own thoughts I take another drink
Insomnia, Insomnia, Insomnia (Repeat 2x)
(Verse 2)
Stuck in my mental prison with shackles. Chained to the seat in the dungeon of the castle.
Stripped of the leaves that shade this lyndon tree. Sick with an illness that holds one remedy.
The cure is be pure, to be pure is deceased. Shrouded in darkness, no sound or heartbeat.
So until I hit death, I will feel unrest. The passion is great but i'm still contempt.
Hiding behind an ember'd square with a handful of problems I just can't bare.
I could give a F@#% less. Like I actually care. Looking back in the mirror, F@#% you and your stare.
I should make my escape with some 80 proof. Fill my head until it's swimming and get it to subdue.
Then at last I'll be able to relax for a bit and shell myself from the reality that everything is S@#%.
In a new type of universe. Utopian bliss. If insanity's a curse, then denial is a gift.
Waste deep in a ditch, hopes in a drought. Sift sand through the hourglass just trying to climb out.
Only the strong shall survive. The times haven't changed, I'm just losing my mind.
Utter chaos in the kingdom. Fortify the structures in a last ditch effort to prevent a rupture.
What's left is a man looking down the same road in an endless loop through the depths of his soul.
My brain's running rampant, it's out of control. The answers are written but the text isn't bold.
It's cold, like February nights, growing old. Tired, exhausted, frozen as stone.
There's a reason why I hate being alone. My head's the one place that I will never call home.
(Hook)
I cannot sleep at night, all I do is think
Awake until sunlight, I can barely blink
Deep inside my own thoughts I take another drink
Insomnia, Insomnia, Insomnia...
-Siege aka Case Y
In a way its like you've gotten into my head and your describing me there