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How to be a walking irony and other stories


nessieq

Novice Lv1️⃣
Member for 4 years
I.
I have no idea how to be properly loved
but I still try anyway.
I learn each time someone forces me to piece my shattered heart together.
Oddly enough,
not being loved enough is a good way to teach yourself to love yourself more.
Whether it's out of fear that no one could ever love you,
or out of defiance and desire to prove everyone wrong,
I would never know.

II.
I suck at poetry.
I know I'm supposed to write what I feel.
I do quite the opposite
I circle around what I think people
would like to hear instead.
I end up writing words that sound prettier than they should be.
I am fluent,
verbose
eloquent
mellifluous
descriptive
adept
at expressing everyone's feelings
but my own.
If it wasn't for the fact that I'm the one it makes out to be a joke
I'd find it funny.

III.
My favorite words are mirage and facade,
both of which have to do with illusions and lie.
The irony of that is that I would always prefer the truth.
So I tell myself they're my favorite words
because there's nothing in this world I'd hate more than being caught up in them
or in the lies I tell myself in the dark
when I think I'm too blind to see who is really whispering.

IV.
The irony of my generosity is that I do it out of pure selfishness.
I want to be the only person someone needs
the first person someone thinks of
the last person someone would have the heart to hurt.
I want to be the one someone chooses when choosing is so goddamned hard.
And I want that choice to be easy.
 
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