"Gomez, Gomez! Look, this is my little weeping fig!", said Fester, excitedly running up with a bundle.
"Wha? Oh my gosh, Tish, look here! Fester's kidnapped a baby!"
"Huh? Oh no, not this time. This one's mine!"
"Really, let me see.", said Morticia with mild interest, "Oh, come now Fester. At least make up believable lies! This child looks nothing like you."
"I swear, it's mine! I even did a test, just to be sure. He passed!"
"This cuddly looking thing? How did you test him? He's really yours, ours?"
"He's an Addams through and through! Watch!" Fester proceeds to pull a light bulb from his coat and sticks it in the baby's mouth, like a pacifier. It lights up, with a soft glow. "See? He has to be mine!"
"Well, I'd say that's pretty good evidence there, Tish."
"I suppose. Where'd you get him, Fester?"
"Where else, Margaux!" "Really?", exclaims Morticia in surprise, "I thought she was too... plastic to produce anything alive."
"I know! Yet, here his is! I guess she made Parker, too!"
"Even so, he's so... sweet looking."
"You won't think that when he cries! He's got amazing lungs, just like his dad!", Fester proceeds to shout to prove his point, and the baby starts loudly crying. "Look, see!"
"That's definitely some cry, could scare banshees. Congratulations, brother! Finally a married man, and a father! I knew it would happen to you eventually. How could you not be cursed by this hellish ball and chain? It's fantastic!"
Morticia smiles, "Oh Gomez, darling, you exaggerate."
"No, cara mia, you were the best thing that's ever happened to me! Everyday I wake, it's like I'm trapped in a dark, deathly, abyss, with no light at all. Every moment stretches like eternity, it's intoxicating..."
"Oh, Gomez..." The two embrace affectionately.
"Ah~ marriage. The best worst thing that can happen to a man. So brother, what's the little one's name? It's a boy?"
"Well, technically he's more of an it, not really a boy or a girl, but I think of him as my son. I named him Ficus. Ficus Narcissus Addams."
"Ficus? Why Ficus?" "It's the first gift I gave Margaux. Also, it's dead and plastic. I think it suits him."
Morticia looks askance, "I'd say he couldn't look any further from dead, he's brimming with good health. Plastic on the other hand, anything this... angelic comes across a bit fake."
"I don't know, Tish! He's definitely pale as the dead!"
"I knew you'd see it, Gomez! We brothers think alike!"
"Father!", Wednesday suddenly interrupts, "Can I see the baby?"
"I don't see why not. It's fine, right Fester?"
"Of course! Get a good look, Wednesday!"
Wednesday peers at Ficus, "He seems... bouncy. Uncle Fester, can I play with him?" "
Sure!", says Fester, cheerfully passing Ficus to Wednesday, "Don't be too gentle, now."
"I won't. Come cousin, you can be the artillery when we lay seige on Pugsley."
Fester, Gomez, and Morticia all laugh in amusement.
Gomez comments, "Looks like they're going to have a lot of fun. Come, let's pop open some champagne in honor of a new Addams!"
"Wha? Oh my gosh, Tish, look here! Fester's kidnapped a baby!"
"Huh? Oh no, not this time. This one's mine!"
"Really, let me see.", said Morticia with mild interest, "Oh, come now Fester. At least make up believable lies! This child looks nothing like you."
"I swear, it's mine! I even did a test, just to be sure. He passed!"
"This cuddly looking thing? How did you test him? He's really yours, ours?"
"He's an Addams through and through! Watch!" Fester proceeds to pull a light bulb from his coat and sticks it in the baby's mouth, like a pacifier. It lights up, with a soft glow. "See? He has to be mine!"
"Well, I'd say that's pretty good evidence there, Tish."
"I suppose. Where'd you get him, Fester?"
"Where else, Margaux!" "Really?", exclaims Morticia in surprise, "I thought she was too... plastic to produce anything alive."
"I know! Yet, here his is! I guess she made Parker, too!"
"Even so, he's so... sweet looking."
"You won't think that when he cries! He's got amazing lungs, just like his dad!", Fester proceeds to shout to prove his point, and the baby starts loudly crying. "Look, see!"
"That's definitely some cry, could scare banshees. Congratulations, brother! Finally a married man, and a father! I knew it would happen to you eventually. How could you not be cursed by this hellish ball and chain? It's fantastic!"
Morticia smiles, "Oh Gomez, darling, you exaggerate."
"No, cara mia, you were the best thing that's ever happened to me! Everyday I wake, it's like I'm trapped in a dark, deathly, abyss, with no light at all. Every moment stretches like eternity, it's intoxicating..."
"Oh, Gomez..." The two embrace affectionately.
"Ah~ marriage. The best worst thing that can happen to a man. So brother, what's the little one's name? It's a boy?"
"Well, technically he's more of an it, not really a boy or a girl, but I think of him as my son. I named him Ficus. Ficus Narcissus Addams."
"Ficus? Why Ficus?" "It's the first gift I gave Margaux. Also, it's dead and plastic. I think it suits him."
Morticia looks askance, "I'd say he couldn't look any further from dead, he's brimming with good health. Plastic on the other hand, anything this... angelic comes across a bit fake."
"I don't know, Tish! He's definitely pale as the dead!"
"I knew you'd see it, Gomez! We brothers think alike!"
"Father!", Wednesday suddenly interrupts, "Can I see the baby?"
"I don't see why not. It's fine, right Fester?"
"Of course! Get a good look, Wednesday!"
Wednesday peers at Ficus, "He seems... bouncy. Uncle Fester, can I play with him?" "
Sure!", says Fester, cheerfully passing Ficus to Wednesday, "Don't be too gentle, now."
"I won't. Come cousin, you can be the artillery when we lay seige on Pugsley."
Fester, Gomez, and Morticia all laugh in amusement.
Gomez comments, "Looks like they're going to have a lot of fun. Come, let's pop open some champagne in honor of a new Addams!"
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