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So im a body builder(beach Physics not bulk Physics) and since the Jan rush is coming in I figured I would let out my frustration about it.....enjoy
JoKe oF the DAY!!! Updated every day I work
- Author: Thread starter Flsurfer06
- Start date
Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?"
Brunette: "I don’t know."
Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"
Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.
Brunette: "I don’t know."
Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"
Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.
You're riding a horse full speed. There's a giraffe next to you and a lion chasing you, what do you do?
Get your drunk ass off the carousel.
What do you call a mural of a giraffe in the street?
Giraffiti
Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
It takes a long time for them to swallow their pride.
Did you hear the one about the giraffe who learned Karate?
He looked like a f****ng idiot.
How was the first giraffe made?
Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?
Neck-romance-y.
I would like to apologize for not adding more jokes, but I only update them.... periodically!
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite…
He said NaBrO
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
Q: What did one ion say to the other?
A: I've got my ion you.
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite…
He said NaBrO
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
Q: What did one ion say to the other?
A: I've got my ion you.
How to write a history essay: However, however, however, however, on the other hand, however, however, however, however, hence.
How to insult a historian: "Yo mamma's got so little class she could be a Marxist utopia."
What did Hitler say when the Allies invaded Normandy? 'This is out of Mein Kampfort zone.'
Problems at a pub quiz:
"Who invented the ruler?"
"You should know this, you do History"
"OH MY GOD DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW BIG HISTORY IS?!"
The School of the World: "Can someone please tell me the benefits of switching sides during a war? Italy put your hand down."
*any random statement on the past ever said*
Historian: That's debatable.
How to insult a historian: "Yo mamma's got so little class she could be a Marxist utopia."
What did Hitler say when the Allies invaded Normandy? 'This is out of Mein Kampfort zone.'
Problems at a pub quiz:
"Who invented the ruler?"
"You should know this, you do History"
"OH MY GOD DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW BIG HISTORY IS?!"
The School of the World: "Can someone please tell me the benefits of switching sides during a war? Italy put your hand down."
*any random statement on the past ever said*
Historian: That's debatable.
Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”.
The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".
The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church and the Priest says “what about the children” the rabbi says “f... the children” and the Priest says "do you think we’ll have time
How many times does 43 go into 8?
Get in the van and find out
A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says “What’s wrong?” The woman says “I’ve never been hugged before.” So, the man gives her a hug and walks away.
The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says “What’s wrong, now?” The woman says “I’ve never been kissed before.” So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away.
The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says “Oh, for Christ’s sake! What’s wrong, this time?!” The woman says “Well, I’ve never been f...ed before.” So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells “YOU’RE F...ED!”
The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".
The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church and the Priest says “what about the children” the rabbi says “f... the children” and the Priest says "do you think we’ll have time
How many times does 43 go into 8?
Get in the van and find out
A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says “What’s wrong?” The woman says “I’ve never been hugged before.” So, the man gives her a hug and walks away.
The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says “What’s wrong, now?” The woman says “I’ve never been kissed before.” So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away.
The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says “Oh, for Christ’s sake! What’s wrong, this time?!” The woman says “Well, I’ve never been f...ed before.” So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells “YOU’RE F...ED!”
